Peace at Jack's Cabin
by Skidaddle
Summary: AU in which Daniel is alive . The events of Abyss make Sam re-evaluate what is most important.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

When Jack awoke he looked around slightly disoriented from the sedatives he guessed were being administered through the IV stuck in his arm. His gaze took in the infirmary room, including the clock - 0220 hours - and settled on the figure sitting on the chair next to his bed. Sam was in exactly the same position as she had been when he had fallen asleep, and she gave him a small smile when their eyes met "Hey" she whispered.

"How long have I been asleep?" Jack asked, consulting her watch Sam replied "Only about 3 hours sir, you should try to go back to sleep"

"You should be asleep too Carter." He murmured groggily. She really should he thought, even with a fogged brain and in the dim light, the darkness under her eyes and weariness of her features and body was obvious to him. Sam had dropped her eyes and was looking sheepish; she knew she had been caught out,

"I'm OK, sir" she tried to reassure him.

"Carter you look exhausted, _please_ go get some sleep". The desperate look in her eyes made him add softly "I'll still be here in the morning". He couldn't be sure but he thought he could see tears welling up at that.

"I...uh..." Sam didn't know what she wanted to say, she was having a hard time believing that he was really back and the guilt of what had happened to him was almost overwhelming. They made eye contact and as was usual for them more was communicated in that look than in any words they could have found. He saw her guilt, her pain, her relief and disbelief that he was really back. She saw the pain, the relief, the gratefulness and the concern in his but not the blame she had been expecting.

Trying to lighten the mood he said "I could make it an order" in an obviously mock stern tone. Coughing to try and breach the lump in her throat Sam could only manage a defeated "Yes sir". Sam got up from the chair and began to make her way out of the room with her arms tightly wrapped around her as if trying to protect herself.

Jack knew she was in pain and he hated to see her hurting so decided to try and find some words "Sam?" he whispered as she approached the door, she turned back to him the use of her first name surprising and soothing her in equal measure "Uh…thanks… for, you know…being here"

"Anytime" Sam quietly replied "See you tomorrow"

Satisfied that Sam was on her way to her own quarters to sleep, Jack gave in to the pull of the sedatives once more and fell back to sleep.

xxxx

Sleep was not so easily coming to Sam. She had gotten ready for bed and gotten in but despite being painfully tired she just couldn't settle. She couldn't get her mind to switch off and the thought of Jack lying alone in the infirmary after everything he had been through - because of her - was tormenting her.

Close to tears Sam got out of bed and put her BDU trousers back on. He hadn't technically ordered her to her quarters; he had just said he _could_. Her decision made Sam felt a little stronger and headed back to the infirmary and Jack's side.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

When Jack woke the next morning he felt a little more alert and was immediately aware of the weight on his left arm. Opening his eyes and tightening his hand reflexively Jack looked down on a mass of blonde hair and felt his hand squeeze another's. Jack wondered how long Sam had been there sat in the chair holding his left hand with her right and using their arms as a pillow. 'At least she's sleeping' he thought and it was nice to wake up with her, there was no denying that, at least to him self.

He had thought about her a lot between sessions with Ba'al, the thought of her looking for him gave him strength to hold on. And after Edora and the need in her eyes when she had pleaded with him to take the symbiote he had no doubt she would be looking. He guessed from her not wanting to leave his side he must have been in her thoughts too.

There was a quiet knock on the door then and Daniel popped his head around the door jam "Have you seen…?"

Jack started and waved Daniel quiet pointing at Sam's sleeping form "Ssshhh!"

Daniel entered the room fully and whispered "Ah, I thought I'd find her in here"

"What is it Danny? It looks like Carter really needs to sleep if she didn't wake up at your hollering"

"We have a briefing at 0900 with the General; she was supposed to meet me at 0800 for coffee"

"I'll make sure she's awake ready for the briefing"

"Ok and I'll make sure I get her some coffee" Daniel said smiling at his friend "I'll visit again later Jack, take care." and with that Daniel left his best friend and honorary sister to it.

Sam still hadn't stirred and Jack was content to watch her sleep for a few minutes but by 0815 Jack realised he needed to wake her so that she wouldn't get into trouble with the General or be seen by one of the nurses in what could be construed as a compromising position.

With his free hand Jack began to stroke Sam's hair away from her face "Carter? Carter it's time to wake up" he quietly said as he continued to run his hand through her hair, Sam took a deep breath before murmuring "Mmm Jack, just 5 more minutes?"

The way she used his name so naturally in her sleepy state and seemed to have no problem with the idea of him being with her as she woke pleased him greatly. "I'm sorry Sam but you have a briefing with the General in about 30 minutes"

At this Sam was wide-awake and bolted upright but their hands remained entwined. Jack couldn't resist the urge to tease her "Shouldn't you be in your own quarters?" He asked mock seriously with an eyebrow raised and slight smirk.

"Oh goodness, I'm sorry Sir" Sam was back in military mode and panicked as she saw she was holding his hand. She tried to stand and remove her hand from his but Jack gave it a squeeze and stopped her.

"It's OK Carter, relax" Sam took a deep breath sitting back down "Good morning" Jack said smiling though it didn't quite reach his eyes and then continued to look at Sam expectantly for an explanation of her presence.

"Morning Sir… I uh I couldn't sleep"

"Ah?" Was all Jack said wanting more from her than that and rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand in a comforting gesture.

Sam really didn't want to tell him why she was there, that she didn't want to be alone or for him to be alone, that she had needed to feel him close, but didn't have the strength to lie to him either. She settled for being as vague as possible "I needed to see you were really back … I couldn't get my mind to believe it alone in my quarters".

Jack nodded acknowledging her need to be close to him, he felt it too "As long as you got some sleep Carter, those bags are still huge!" Jack said in typical O'Neill fashion deflecting attention away from their feelings.

It hadn't occurred to Sam until that moment how dreadful she must look in front of her CO and her eyes widened in horror at his comment although made in jest and she took her hand from his in order to flatten her hair. Jack saw her horror and decided to change the subject fast.

"Will you come and visit again later after your briefing?" He hated to ask but he really needed to know she was coming back soon, his hand felt empty after holding hers. He felt vulnerable and pathetic not something Jack O'Neill felt often or was comfortable with and she gave him strength to fight.

"Of course Sir" she quickly replied "Around lunchtime and I expect Daniel and Teal'c will be here too if Janet lets you have that many visitors".

"Well you better get going, mustn't keep the general waiting" Jack said his heart a little lighter with the knowledge she would be back quite soon.

"Yes Sir" Sam said, she stood up giving Jack a small smile and reached for his hand again for a last squeeze "See you soon". Jack watched her hurry from the room to get ready and then curled up into a ball to try and relieve the feeling of emptiness he now had. He was grateful that at least the cocktail of sedatives were stopping him from reliving the hell he had been put through by Kanan and Ba'al. His brain, if not his heart, seemed to be switched off for the moment, but he knew that that battle was still to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Lunchtime came around and Sam was the first to arrive at Jack's room. She knocked softly on the door and walked in. Jack was staring into space looking a little dazed from the meds she guessed but he smiled when he saw her come in. There was sadness in his eyes but the smile seemed genuine as he tried to focus on her. "Hi Sir" she greeted.

"Hey Carter" He softly replied, but as Sam opened her mouth to speak again he interrupted more abruptly "If you ask if I'm ok I won't be responsible for my actions!" Everyone who came in to see him seemed to ask him that and he was getting sick of it.

"I wasn't going to, I know you're not ok right now" Sam replied sadly "but you will be" Sam said with conviction looking directly into his eyes. Sam was back to her usual strong self, determined and able to solve anything in Jack's eyes and for that he was grateful. He hadn't admitted it even to himself yet but he needed her strength and confidence in him.

Before either of them could say anything more Daniel and Teal'c arrived with lunch. Both soldiers had their masks back in place but their eyes were giving their pain away to each other and their friends. They all tried to keep the mood light and just took pleasure in being together as a team again. Neither Jack nor Sam ate much, but they all enjoyed the red and blue jello that Daniel had brought with him from the commissary.

That afternoon back in her lab Sam found her self actually able to concentrate on the experiments she was performing, something she had found almost impossible during Jack's time 'away'. She knew Jack still had a long way to go before he was really ok and she had no doubt his experiences would have scarred him for life but he was back and she knew, in time and with the support of his team, he would be alright.

For the first time in weeks she actually got engrossed in what she was doing and lost track of time and only realised how late it had gotten when her stomach started to seriously protest the lack of sustenance at about 2100 hours. However, when she realised the time she didn't head to the commissary like her stomach was begging she headed to the infirmary, where her heart wanted to be.

Jack must have been really grouchy Sam figured as she approached his room as someone had supplied him with a TV judging by the sounds emanating from the doorway. Jack was watching the news when Sam stepped into the room and greeted him "Hi Sir".

Jack wasn't surprised to see Sam, he had heard her coming down the corridor and recognised the sound of her walk "Hi Carter, look what I've got!" Jack gestured happily towards the TV.

"How did you swing that? They've never let you have one before!"

"T smuggled it in for me when Janet left after her shift! The doc on duty now is new and daren't tell me I can't have it, so I am safe until 0800 tomorrow!"

Sam giggled at her CO's child-like nature "Janet's back on duty at 0800 then huh?"

"Yeah, so I'm gonna make the most of it while I can, care to join me for the big match?"

"Big match?"

"Carter I'm ashamed! Minnesota Wild vs Vancouver Canucks, the ice hockey match of the season!" It was nice to see Jack thinking about normal everyday things even though the slurring of his speech told Sam he was quite heavily dosed with something that was keeping his mood light and the pain from his leg wound away.

"Of course, Sir, sorry – how could I have forgotten?" Sam said rolling her eyes and smiling at the distinctly cute man in the bed. As Sam mentally caught herself for even thinking the word cute about her CO she realised for the first time in her life she wanted nothing more than to sit and watch an ice hockey match. "Ok, I'll stay to watch, I just want to make a stop at the commissary first."

"I'll have pizza and the biggest piece of cake they have!"

Sam giggled at that, she was sure he had already eaten "I'm not sure I want to risk Janet's wrath Sir, you know if she found out she would not show either of us any mercy"

"Pleeeease Carter" Jack practically begged, "If she finds out I'll tell her I ordered you I promise!"

Sam giggled some more, Jack loved that sound "OK, I'll see what I can do, but it's quite late so don't get your hopes up, the commissary might not have much."

"Yay! You're the greatest Sam!" Exclaimed Jack as Sam headed out to the commissary.

She returned a few minutes later just in time for the start of the game. "I've done my best Sir; I've got sandwiches, chocolate brownies and some jello – red and blue"

"Not bad Carter, now take a load off the game's about to start" Jack said gesturing to the chair beside his bed. Sam sat down putting the food on the edge of the bed between them; she took a look at Jack smiling to her self and then turned her attention to the TV screen.

By the end of the game Sam had her boots off with her feet up on Jack's bed and one of his pillows behind her back to make the plastic chair more comfortable. They had enjoyed the game Jack cheering, shouting advice to the Minnesota team and explaining things to Sam along the way. As Sam sat comfortably she realised that sometime in the last third Jack had fallen asleep which explained why he'd been quieter and she made a mental note of the score so she could tell him when he awoke. She looked at his sleeping face, it seemed so much more innocent, the lines on his face less pronounced as he was relaxed in sleep.

She had missed him, she came so close to losing him, had lost him several times in fact, if it hadn't been for the sarcophagus…. She had realised how much she needed him in her life when the virus threatened to kill him. That's why she had to ask him to take the symbiote, she couldn't go on without him. But now in the quiet of the infirmary room she realised she had been given a second chance and what she really wanted, needed even, was to take that chance and to be more to Jack than his 2IC.

Sam closed her eyes and just listened to Jack's breathing trying to calm her rapid heart beat and frazzled nerves and before she realised it she had taken his hand in hers and fallen asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Sam woke several hours later with a jolt as her hand was squeezed painfully hard. She looked over at Jack and panicked thinking he was having some kind of seizure. He was covered in sweat, breathing hard, brow creased and struggling against the bed sheets. This was no seizure she realised he was in the grips of a nightmare; she'd had enough of her own to know.

Sam took her free hand and wiped Jack's brow and cupped his cheek "Jack" she said softly "Jack, it's Sam I want you to wake up for me" Sam knew she was taking a risk being so close to him while he was in such a deep nightmare he could easily lash out not being aware of his real surroundings but she couldn't bear to let him suffer. "Jack" She said more firmly moving her thumb back and forth across his cheek, her face close to his "You're dreaming Jack, you're safe with me, now I need you to wake up".

And he did with a start grabbing the arm close to his face and shouting loudly "Sam!". His eyes began to focus and he found himself staring straight into her blue eyes breathing heavily into her face. "It's ok" she said softly "I'm here … with you in the infirmary, see?" Jack's grip on her arm and hand lessened and he sagged back against the pillows. Sam repositioned herself so she was sitting on the edge of the bed with a hand on his chest and took her other hand from his to reach for a hand towel beside the bed. Jack was still regaining his composure as she wiped his face with the towel and then picked up the glass of water from the nightstand. As she turned back to Jack he opened his eyes and looked at her "You ok?" she whispered as she offered him the water. He took a sip and shakily replied "Yeah, just a dream".

"That was some dream" She said sadly and just sat quietly while he regained his equilibrium.

"Carter, you shouldn't have woken me, hell you shouldn't even be here…"

"Don't" Sam said firmly, she knew he had been trying to put his barriers up again after the nightmare but she would not let that include shutting her out. "I know it was a risk waking you, being that close, but what would you have done? If it had been me lying there, after some unimaginably awful experience, in the middle of a nightmare?" Sam asked and after a pause when she forced him to make eye contact Sam continued very quietly "You would have done the same, and you did…after Jolinar you were there every time I woke up from a nightmare. Please, let me do the same for you."

"You don't have to Carter" He was still trying to distance himself, he'd never accepted help, it's how he'd always dealt with things, alone "You don't owe me, I'm your CO it was my job to get you back to active duty."

That hurt - _a lot_ - and she couldn't help the tears that filled her eyes at the implication that she meant nothing to him as anything but a soldier in his team. She needed to get away from him, put some of _her_ barriers back in place, standing and backing away from him she said "I'm not here out of some sense of duty or debt Sir" Sam replied going back to his formal title to keep herself in control "I'm here because I considered you a friend and care a lot about you, I'm sorry that you don't feel the same way. I'll just leave you alone". Before he had the chance to speak again she was gone.

'Way to go O'Neill' thought Jack as he scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed loudly. He knew he had hurt her badly, and himself in the process, he was such an idiot. He had shut Sarah out and now was doing the same to Sam, not that he and Sam were in that kind of relationship. When had he started thinking of Sam like that, wishing they were? He didn't really know it just crept up on him and before he knew what was happening he had fallen in love with her and that realisation had dawned years ago. Damn, he really wanted her to come back, but he had hurt her and she was as stubborn as he was, so he knew she wouldn't be back soon.

Jack continued to berate himself and silently promised himself and Sam that he would do his best not to keep shutting her out. He owed her that, even only as a friend. Jack hardly slept the rest of the night.

xxxx

Daniel noted that both Jack and Sam were grouchy and miserable the next day and when Sam said she was too busy to go for lunch with them in the infirmary he put 2 and 2 together and realised something had happened between them.

Jack wasn't surprised when Sam didn't come for lunch with Daniel and Teal'c and he really wasn't very good company. Daniel bravely decided to broach the subject of their apparently shared sour moods "Do you know what's up with Sam, Jack? She's in one hell of a bad mood"

Jack didn't take kindly to the reminder of his behaviour towards Sam and barked "Ask her yourself Danny; I haven't seen her since yesterday."

That was confirmation enough for Daniel, something had definitely happened and odds were that Jack had upset Sam and now felt guilty. Daniel thought about trying to talk to Sam but decided it would be safer to let her calm down a bit first. She could kick his butt if she were so inclined.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Sam had shut herself in her lab all day not even stopping for lunch; strangely she found it easier to think clearly when she was occupied. When she eventually collapsed in her quarters at about midnight she was exhausted but her mind was still active. Sam knew Jack well and had finally calmed enough to consider that his reaction the night before was typical O'Neill instinct to push everyone away when he was hurting thinking it would protect them; and as her CO he needed her respect. This combination Sam decided, as she lay awake desperate to sleep, would explain his reaction and at the same moment she decided it was about time he changed his ways. She would be there for him whether he liked it or not, if he was going to wake up from another nightmare she vowed it would not be alone. Sam got back up and dressed and headed down to the infirmary to try and sleep.

Sam was nervous as she approached Jack's infirmary room at about 0100 hours, she wasn't sure she would be welcome. As she looked into his room she let out a sigh of relief that he was fast asleep and she wouldn't have to face him for a while. She settled herself in the chair by his bed and soon dozed off.

When Sam awoke a couple of hours later it was to discover Jack in the grips of another nightmare. It looked as though she was catching it earlier than the previous night though, Jack was breathing hard and his face was screwed up but he wasn't drenched in sweat or struggling against an unknown aggressor.

Instinctively Sam did just as she had the night before, sitting on the bed with him; she held his hand and cupped his cheek quietly talking him out from his dream. After a couple of minutes Jack woke up with a grunt sitting up quickly. Sam didn't have time to move out of the way so Jack's movement brought their upper bodies into contact. Again acting purely on instinct Sam wrapped her arms around Jack and held him tight. "It's OK, just try to relax"

Jack took a couple of deep breaths and leaned back down leaving Sam's embrace. He hated how good it felt to have Sam hold him after a nightmare, but she wasn't just Sam she was Major Carter his 2IC as well, and that meant he wasn't able to have her help him, not like this. He was supposed to be released the day after tomorrow, perhaps he could get out tomorrow and then he could get up to his cabin and try and sort himself out away from her. The bottom line was he couldn't appear weak in front of his 2IC.

Sam made eye contact and saw the same look as the night before, he regretted her seeing him look weak she was sure but she wasn't going to put up with his crap 2 nights running "I don't want to hear it, Sir" Was all she said and sat back in the chair.

She knew him too well he thought, in some ways they were very similar. He looked over at her hunched form when something occurred to him "How come you're here?"

Sam sighed and closed her eyes; she couldn't very well expect him to open up to her if she wasn't willing to do the same. Easier said than done she realised and just said "I came to get some sleep."

"Wouldn't your bed have been more comfortable?" He asked puzzled by her answer.

Sam quietly replied obviously embarrassed by the admission "I don't seem to be able to sleep anywhere but here at the moment."

"Oh" Jack saw she was embarrassed but was trying to let him in, she usually wore the strong soldier mask too.

"Yeah, I guess I've been a bit … tense lately and … well, I just feel more relaxed around you" It must have been due to her sleep deprivation because she had never meant to go so far as to admit this but she added softly "You make me feel safe."

That really touched Jack, the thought that Sam was here because he made her feel safe and relaxed and not just because she felt he needed her, gave his battered self-esteem a boost. "Then try and go back to sleep Sam." He said giving her a soft smile. Sam returned the smile, pleased with their progress, and closed her eyes, sleep coming quickly.

Jack watched Sam sleep for a while wondering what lay in store for them before sleep claimed him as well. They both slept soundly until the morning when Sam slipped out of the infirmary with a small smile and wave to Jack before Janet discovered her. She would not approve of Sam sleeping on a plastic chair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

What ever had been wrong between Jack and Sam had been sorted out without Daniel's intervention Teal'c discovered at lunch. The three enjoyed lunch together while Daniel was briefing SG-7 on their upcoming mission.

"Guess what kids?" Jack started and not waiting for a reply continued "The doc is letting me out of here in the morning!"

"You must be pleased O'Neill" Intoned Teal'c.

"Yup, you know how I hate being trapped in here."

"Janet's pleased with how your leg is healing then?"

"Yeah, I've got 2 weeks R&R and then I should be back on duty"

"I wish you a swift recovery and will look forward to your return O'Neill"

"Thanks T"

"What are you going to do with your downtime Sir?" Sam felt her stomach knot at the thought that she wouldn't be able to pop and see him like she could while he was in the infirmary.

"I'm going fishing at my cabin; I don't think you really needed to ask did you?"

Did he really have to go all the way to Minnesota? Sam thought. But yes she realised he did, it wasn't the leg wound that needed to heal in the next 2 weeks, it was the internal scars he had to deal with before coming back to active duty. Stop being so pathetic, she scolded herself, you are a strong soldier Samantha Carter as if you can't manage 2 weeks away from him! Sam tried to assure herself.

"Carter?" Jack pulled Sam out of her thoughts and she realised she had been stood in silence instead of answering him.

"No Sir" She quietly replied "I uh, I gotta go" Sam's stomach was roiling with nausea and she needed to get out of the infirmary before her friends saw her reaction. Jack didn't fail to notice the odd behaviour and quick exit she made after that but he just put it down to fatigue. She still looked exhausted.

"You look like you could do with some rest as well Carter" He called after her "Make sure you go home!" He hoped if she went home she would get a good night's sleep, she couldn't keep sleeping in an infirmary chair, even if it meant she was there when he woke up. He couldn't ask her to do that for him, however much part of him wanted to.

xxxx

As it turned out there was no sleep at all for Sam that evening due to a gate computer malfunction that afternoon that took all night and most of the morning to fix. When Jack next saw Sam she was having burns treated by Janet at about 1100 hours. "Carter" Jack, concerned, called from across the room; he was just letting the Doc know he was off when he spotted Sam "What happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened" fumed Janet "Sam got electrical burns more than _12_ hours ago, worked straight through the night _again_ despite suffering from exhaustion and only _now_ has come to have the burns treated!" Janet looked pointedly at Sam who had the grace to look a little guilty.

"Jeez Carter, you really need to take better care of yourself"

"With all due respect, sir, would you have preferred me to leave us vulnerable to attack and all off world teams stranded unable to gate back?" Sam retorted defensively.

"No I guess not, but now the crisis is over _please_ take some time to get some rest. I need you at your best Carter" Jack's tone was soft and conveyed his concern and meaning, as did his eyes when they met hers.

"Yes Sir" Sam quietly replied dropping her eyes from his.

"See you in a fortnight or so then" Jack said and turned as Janet went to retrieve his prescription from her office.

"Yes Sir" God she hated that word "Uh … sir…?" She began but as seemed to be a common theme with him these days she couldn't find the words to let him know how she felt, she could hardly tell him she would miss him in the middle of the infirmary. He turned round and saw her internal struggle for something to say, he had no idea what she wanted to say to him but saw her give up sighing deeply and simply say "Have fun". He really wanted to see her megawatt smile, the one that always brightened his day; he hoped that after his break he would do.

After Jack had gone Janet gave Sam a thorough examination finding that she was suffering from severe exhaustion and malnutrition. She put Sam on an IV and confined her to the infirmary for the next 48 hours. Janet was very worried about her friend; she had obviously been seriously neglecting herself. "Sam honey, talk to me" She started, what she didn't expect was Sam who was so good at hiding her emotions to breakdown right there.

Janet just held Sam until the sedatives being intravenously administered had taken effect and Sam had cried herself to sleep.

Sam slept for almost 24 hours attesting to her body's desperate need for sleep. At Janet's insistence she also spent the following day in bed in the infirmary, which gave Sam plenty of time to think. After considering all her options Sam realised there was only one logical solution to solve her problems and find happiness and vowed to go see General Hammond as soon as she was released the next morning.

Janet tried to get her to talk about what was wrong but Sam couldn't put Janet in that position and promised she would talk to her soon, but not yet. The only unpredictable factor in her carefully considered plan was the reaction of her soon to be former CO, but at last she was willing to take that risk. Jack was both the problem and the answer, which was just typical of him thought Sam as she succumbed to sleep again that night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Janet released Sam the next morning as promised with assurances from Sam that she was fine and she was going to take care of herself. "Jan don't worry, for once I really am going to put myself first" Leaving Janet with a puzzled look on her face Sam went to face General Hammond.

"Come" General Hammond called from his desk and watched as Sam entered the room. "How are you feeling Major?" he asked.

"Better Sir, thank you"

General Hammond gestured to a chair indicating Sam should sit "What can I do for you Major, I have authorised you medical leave until the end of the week?"

Sam didn't take the chair; she felt stronger standing and was concerned as to what the General's reaction to her next statement would be. "I wish to resign my commission effective immediately Sir, I feel I can serve the SGC and you better in a civilian capacity than as an officer. I do not want to leave the SGC Sir but I cannot continue to serve as an officer." Sam had rehearsed the line over and over and practically said it all in one breath.

Hammond had known this day would come, the bond between O'Neill and Carter was strong, and it was what made them such a formidable team. It was only a matter of time before one of them if not both decided the risk of waiting for the war to be over was too great. Hammond was of course disappointed that his premier team might be breaking up but he wished only happiness for all of SG-1.

"Have you spoken to Colonel O'Neill?"

"No Sir, I came directly to you"

"I see, why do feel you can no longer serve us best as an officer?"

"Personal reasons Sir" Hammond did not expect her to actually admit to her feelings for O'Neill.

"I've been expecting this for a while, especially after the whole Za'tarc affair, we are willing to offer you a civilian research role in R&D based here at the SGC which will require regular gate travel. It'll be a new post and I'll need a few days at least to sort it out and clear it with the president. You have the rest of this week as medical leave and I'm authorising another week of personal leave. I won't however accept your resignation or establish the new position until you have spoken to Colonel O'Neill and you confirm that this is what you want."

Sam just stood there stunned, she had no idea that General Hammond would be so supportive and that he would know exactly why she wanted to resign. She couldn't say anything, she was speechless.

"Do you understand Major?" Hammond was slightly concerned at the lack of reaction from Sam.

Sam managed to find her voice "Yes Sir"

"Then I suggest you go find Jack, I have a feeling he may need you. And get him to call me once you have discussed this issue"

"Yes Sir, thank you Sir, I will Sir"

"Take care of yourself Sam, and him. Dismissed" Sam snapped off a perfect salute and left the office, only to sag against the wall outside. That wasn't what she had expected; it had been way too easy.

With part one her plan complete Sam went off in search of Daniel and Teal'c to tell them what she was doing and get directions to Jack's Cabin. She found them and Janet in Daniel's lab and told them. It was quite emotional but they like Hammond told her they only wanted to see her and Jack happy and that they were pleased she had decided to pursue a life of her own.

"It's about time!" Daniel whispered as he hugged Sam. "Do you think he will want me though Daniel? I'm so scared" Sam whispered back holding onto Daniel tightly. "He will, he needs you Sam. He might be too stubborn to admit it but it'll be worth fighting for, you're soul mates"

With that assurance Sam left and began part three of Operation Jack as she had begun thinking of it. She stopped at home dropping off her car and getting a few things together and got on her bike. It was about a 10-hour drive to his cabin and she could move faster on her bike. When she set off after grabbing some lunch it was 1230.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

This was Jack's third day up at his cabin and he was feeling dreadful. He spent his days fishing, doing chores around the cabin and generally trying to relax. He tried not to think about his experiences with Ba'al and Kanan but instead his thoughts strayed constantly to Sam. Another topic he really wanted to avoid but found he couldn't. He kept recalling the feel of her hand in his, the feeling of safety of waking from a nightmare to find her arms around him, her words that he made her feel safe. He was torturing himself now and couldn't seem to stop.

Then there were the nights. Now he wasn't on pain medication or sedatives his nights were filled with nightmares. He hadn't slept for more than a couple of hours since arriving and it was taking its toll.

After another days fishing for non-existent fish, Jack dragged himself back into the cabin as the light began to fade around 2100 hours. He set a fire going and made himself a sandwich, he wasn't hungry but he knew he needed to eat. He was sat watching the fire having just finished his food when he thought he heard the noise of a vehicle approaching. He got his coat and flashlight and stepped out onto the porch to investigate.

xxxx

Having driven for more than 10 hours with just two short rest room breaks, Sam was overjoyed when she saw the lights of Jack's cabin at the end of the dirt track from a main road. Yet at the same time she was terrified by the prospect of actually seeing Jack and her stomach clenched painfully and she slowed her bike down to a crawl. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea she worried but a flashlight blinded her as she came to a stop and she realised it was too late to turn back, he knew she was there.

"Carter? What the hell are you doing here?"

Typical O'Neill charm she thought, "Sir please" she reached out to try to move the beam of his torch out of her face.

"Sorry" He apologised as he lowered the offending flashlight.

"It's nice to see you too" She deliberately left the sir off the sentence and side stepped his question. As Sam dismounted, the long bike ride, the lack of food and her general state of health caught up with her and she became light headed and nearly fell to the floor. Jack saw her pitching and his fast reflexes meant he caught her before she fell right over.

"Whoa there Carter, you ok?"

Sam fought the dizziness and righted herself holding onto the front of Jack's coat "Yeah sorry Sir, just a little light headed for a moment"

"Come on" Jack was confused as to why Sam had come up to his cabin but his main concern was her health at the moment and he ushered her towards the cabin. Once inside he herded her into the living area and onto the couch near the fire with a glass of water and sat down at the other end of it.

"Feeling ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry I didn't mean to worry you"

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"I…uh…well" she started, she didn't want to drop this on him the moment she arrived but she was tired again and couldn't get her brain to function all that well. "General Hammond made me take some leave and it's not like you haven't invited me before right? And Daniel thought it was a good idea and I was just out on my bike and I wanted to see you and just kinda drove here, accidentally really."

"You _accidentally_ drove the 10 hours to my Cabin? How did you even know where it was?" Jack had never heard Sam ramble so incoherently before, something was definitely wrong, but his brain did hone in on that she wanted to see him. He wasn't surprised that she was worried about him, but this was the first time she'd done anything so rash as driving up here to his cabin to see him.

"Maybe accidentally wasn't the right word. Teal'c gave me directions." Sam was looking distinctly uncomfortable but Jack was glad she was there; Colonel O'Neill however was petrified of what she would think if he broke down in front of her.

"Well now you're here I hope you're prepared for some good fishing." He knew there was more to her visit than she was letting on and hopefully she'd let him in on the rest soon.

"Yes Sir, I am" Sam said with a small smile for him. Jack got up from the couch and headed for the kitchen area "Want a beer?" he called over his shoulder.

"Sure, thanks" Jack soon returned with 2 beers and sat next to her again on the worn but comfortable couch. "I've always wanted to come up here and see your cabin, I can't wait till its light and I can see the lake" Sam said relaxing a little.

"Well, I'm glad you have at last decided to come" Sam sipped at her beer and looked at Jack. He looked awful she realised, his face was drawn, his eyes dull and he looked exhausted.

"How have you been?" Jack asked just before Sam could ask the same question "Last time I saw you, you were in the infirmary facing the wrath of the doc"

"Actually I've been asleep mostly, Janet gave me enough sedative to take down a rhino just after you left and I slept for most of the next 48 hours, she released me this morning. What about you, how have you been?"

"I'm fine" It was a downright lie and they both knew it.

"Getting much sleep?"

Jack just shrugged, he didn't want to lie again and Sam knew that meant he wasn't.

The two were then quiet for quite a while settling into the comfy couch and watching the flicker of the fire. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence and Jack found himself being lulled to sleep but he fought it, he didn't want to face the nightmares. Sam could see he was trying not to close his eyes and knew why, she'd had to face nightmares many times and he had often been with her. "Sleep Jack" She whispered "I'll be here to wake you" Jack was too exhausted to argue, and when she pulled his arm for him to lay down he was asleep even before his head fell onto her lap. Unconsciously he pulled his feet up onto the couch.

Having spent so much time asleep recently in the infirmary Sam's body clock was out of sync and she was happy to sit just watching the fire and holding Jack. She stayed awake as long as he was asleep. When it began to cool down Sam pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and covered Jack with it. Whenever his body tensed she would gently rub his arm or back and run her fingers through his hair relaxing him and keeping the dreams away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Sunrise came just after 0500 about 5hours after Jack had collapsed into sleep. It was the light coming through the window that woke him. As it dawned on Jack where he was and felt the arm around him he groaned loudly "Oh damn, I'm sorry" and tried to sit up. The arm tightened around him "Don't be, please" Sam said pleaded quietly.

Jack shifted onto his back instead of sitting up and put his forearm across his eyes to block out the light, which left Sam's arm resting across his chest. Jack took a deep breath as he realised this was more sleep than he had gotten in the last 3 days put together and the first night he hadn't woken up from a nightmare in a week. He had Sam to thank for that, he just couldn't work out if that pleased him or not. Now he was properly awake he realised he needed to answer the call of nature and began to sit up again "I gotta use the bathroom" He told Sam as he left the warmth of her body.

Once he had washed up Jack returned to the living area of his small cabin and offered the bathroom to Sam. Sam then went and freshened up as well, both of them benefiting from the few moments alone to think and feeling fresher.

Jack was wishing Sam would tell him what was up so he could go back to being alone and get his head straight. As if he wasn't having enough trouble without having to deal with his feelings towards Sam in front of her as well, he wondered if she had any idea how he felt and what she did to him.

Sam knew she had to tell Jack what was going on in her head as soon as possible so he could stop looking at her as his 2IC and let her help him. She looked at herself in the mirror squaring her shoulders plucking up all the courage she could muster and stepped out of the bathroom.

As Sam approached Jack who was in the kitchen making coffee, she tried not to look out of any of the windows. Jack noticed her looking a little strange and said "Carter, you okay?"

Sam replied "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just trying not to see outside yet. I'd really like you to show me round outside; I've waited a long time to see this place."

Jack was powerless to refuse her despite the fact she was only making things much more difficult for him. He melted at her shy smile "Sure, we can take our coffee out to the deck"

Sam gasped as they rounded the corner of the cabin and the lake came into view "Wow" was all she could get out to begin with.

Judging by Jack's grin this was just the reaction he was looking for "Yeah, gets me every time"

"It's even more beautiful than I imagined" Sam whispered taking in the landscape in front of her.

"You imagined this place?"

"So many times" Sam replied without thinking completely absorbed in the view. They reached the deck now and Sam came back to herself and the reason she had come here. She took a sip of her drink and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I turned up out of the blue and so late yesterday, but I really need to talk to you."

"Shall we sit?" Jack gestured to the edge of the dock, and Sam nodded and followed his lead sitting on the edge.

They just sat for a few minutes Sam having lost her nerve to continue. Jack looking out across the water and Sam looking at her feet swinging over the side of the dock until Jack couldn't wait any longer "Sam?" he prompted, hoping the use of her first name would help trigger her to speak, he could tell from her tense posture she was nervous.

"I've resigned my commission" Sam blurted out.

He wasn't expecting that! "What?! Sam, you can't! You love the SGC and we need you!" I need you, he wanted to scream.

"I'll still be at the SGC just as a civilian scientist"

"But SG-1…" Jack continued to try and argue, he thought he was losing her and that was not acceptable, not on top of everything else – it was the last straw.

Sam halted his arguments with a hand gently placed on his arm "Please Jack, will you let me explain?" Jack nodded trying to calm his rapid heartbeat by taking deep breaths.

She looked at him for the first time since exiting the cabin to gather the strength to let him know how she felt. "When you were infected with that virus, I realised something important" Sam began quietly "I realised that I can't live without you. I hadn't admitted it even to myself before then, because I hate how weak that makes me feel to actually _need_ another person like that. That's why I had to persuade you to take the symbiote…" Sam's voice faltered as she was choked by the emotions that she was trying to express and tears filled her eyes. Jack too was overcome by the power of the emotions taking hold of her and slid a little closer to put his arm round her. "It was selfish and I'm sorry for that" Sam whispered barely audibly.

"You saved my life, don't be sorry" Jack replied huskily.

"Only for you to lose it again and again to Ba'al" This time she couldn't stop the sob escaping from her throat and it was like a dam burst. She turned into Jack and held onto him as if he would disappear if she let go and her body shuddered with sobs. Jack held on to her just as tightly burying his face in her hair, eyes screwed shut against the tears he could not control. They sat there holding each other for a long time, neither of them had any idea how long. Taking comfort from the presence of each other, some of the stress of the last few weeks was released in both of them. Jack collected himself and when he was sure Sam had stopped crying pulled back slightly. Sam took several shaky breaths and pulled further out of his embrace "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose it like that"

"It's ok" Jack croaked keeping his arm around Sam's shoulder and resting his chin on her head, clearing his throat Jack prompted Sam again "So why did you resign?"

Sam twisted to look into his eyes hoping to get an idea about how he was feeling but there were too many emotions in his brown eyes to read. "How many more chances are we going to get? I want to be with you Jack, as more than your 2IC, always." Tears were streaming down her face again as she waited for his reply.

There was a long pause before Jack replied, "I'm not exactly in great condition Sam, I don't think I'm capable of being in a relationship with you." Jack told her sadly trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks that just kept coming "Please don't cry." Jack pleaded fighting for his own control.

"I'm not asking that we rush into a romantic relationship Jack" Sam whispered through her tears. "But as your subordinate I can't even be the friend I want to be, I want to be here for you now" Sam tried to get hold of herself; Jack needed her strength now she remembered. "I just want us to have the chance to show our feelings, explore them, maybe in time we'll be ready to take that next step maybe not, but I want the chance to find out."

"You deserve so much more than me, I'm a broken man"

"What we both deserve is a little happiness, and for that I need you, broken or otherwise." Sam was back in control of her emotions and could see how drained Jack was from their emotional talk so decided to end their talk there and give Jack some space to rest and think. "So have you got a spare fishing rod I can use?"

Jack was a little surprised by the sudden change in tone and subject. It seemed Sam thought the subject was closed; she had decided she needed him to be happy in spite of all his problems and failings and he knew she was stubborn as all hell so he was unlikely to be able to change her mind. In any case, when had he ever known her to be wrong? Maybe she did need him, and it had been a long time since he had felt needed and wanted.

"Uh, yeah, sure" Jack stammered and went to get the fishing equipment that they needed while Sam got out chairs and set them on the dock. When Jack returned Sam greeted him with one of her mega-watt smiles, the one he'd missed so much over the last few weeks, making him feel a lot better. He set the equipment up on autopilot having no idea what to say but glad he had something to do with his hands. Sam sat quietly watching as he did this, admiring his sure strong hands and wondering what was going through his mind until he had finished and sat down on the chair next to hers and handed her a fishing rod.

"So what do I do?" Asked Sam, she had never been fishing before and a lesson from Jack might do them both some good. His lips twitched a little, in what could almost have been a smug smirk, it wasn't often that he knew something Sam didn't and he thought he might just enjoy teaching her. It would at least take his mind off anything else he really didn't want to think about.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The rest of the morning passed quietly. After Sam received some initial instructions from Jack they sat back and relaxed in comfortable silence waiting for the non-existent fish to bite. Sam wasn't a natural at fishing Jack had decided while looking at her dosing peacefully around midmorning but he sure was glad she was here.

By midday Sam was getting impatient with the lack of fish and she was now getting hungry as her stomach was attesting to by grumbling loudly.

"Are there actually any fish in here to catch?" Sam asked sulkily, it couldn't be that she was just bad at it as Jack hadn't caught anything either.

Smirking, Jack replied with a question of his own "Is it really your stomach making all that noise?"

Blushing a little, Sam admitted "Yes" then pleaded "can we get some lunch now?"

Putting his rod down Jack agreed and led the way back to the cabin. "I haven't got much in, but I could do you my world famous omelette?" Sam was ready to eat just about anything by now and happily agreed to a 'world famous' omelette. Sam watched Jack make short work of making the omelette from a seat at the small table in the kitchen area of the cabin and he soon came and joined her. "Voila!" he said presenting Sam with the omelette, Sam smiled at him and said, "Thanks sir, this is great" around the first mouthful.

"Shall we go back out?" Jack asked after they had eaten their lunch.

"Actually I was thinking I might stay here for a bit, my body clock is all over the place and I'm really tired. Do you mind if I just crash on your couch for a while?" Sam said leaning her head back against the cushions tiredly.

"Course not. Mind if I watch the news while I finish my drink?"

"No" Sam murmured her eyes already closed.

20 minutes later the news had finished and Jack was struggling to keep his own eyes open. In her sleep Sam had turned towards him and her head was resting on his shoulder. Jack decided a nap seemed like a good idea and shifted to get them both more comfortable, his arm now around Sam and her head on his chest, he drifted off to sleep.

Some time later Jack began to dream, and it wasn't a good dream. Somehow his subconscious managed to focus on the feel of Sam against him, her breath on his neck, and the arm across his chest. He was able to exert control over his dream for the first time and woke himself up. As he did so he instinctively tightened his arms around Sam and buried his head in her hair for comfort against the nightmare. Sam woke to feel Jack shaking and holding tightly on to her.

"Jack, you awake?" Sam was tense with worry and lifted her head to speak.

"Yeah" he said shakily "Just woke up"

"Ok" Sam didn't need to ask what had woken him up; it was obvious from the trembling that it was a dream. She deliberately relaxed her body against him, leaning her head back against his shoulder and wrapping her arm more tightly around him. She closed her eyes again and listened to Jack's racing heartbeat as it slowly returned back to normal. As the trembling ceased his hold on her loosened and Sam stretched. She didn't want Jack to dwell on the dream so lightly said "Well I feel ready for another go at this fishing lark if you do?"

Jack was pleased Sam didn't want to make him talk about what had happened and was willing to just let it go. She understood what he was going through and how he needed to deal with it, something Sarah had never been able to do. "Yeah, I can just hear the fish calling" He said smiling shyly, his thanks and appreciation obvious to Sam in his smile.

Back on the dock they chatted amiably about this and that, nothing of consequence, laughing together and in theory fishing. It was by far the best therapy either of them could have gotten.

"Jack?" Sam said hesitantly after a few minutes of comfortable silence,

"Mmm?" Jack murmured in reply still enjoying the sound of his first name coming from Sam, she had always been Sam in his head even when he called her Carter, he wondered idly if she had thought of him as Jack.

"I'm sorry for arriving unannounced you know"

"It's ok, I'm glad you came"

"Is it alright for me to stay a couple of days longer?"

"Yeah, we may need to venture out for supplies, but stay as long as you like. Are you back on duty on Monday?"

"I'm not on duty until next Monday, but don't worry I wouldn't impose on you that long. Perhaps I could go in to the town this afternoon, get whatever supplies you need and maybe get something for dinner? I could make something nice for you to say thanks for having me?"

"Can you cook Carter?" Jack asked teasingly, chuckling at the phrase 'thanks for having me' and the wealth of innuendo within it.

"Certain things yes _Colonel_" Sam replied mock indignantly emphasising the use of title in revenge for his use of 'Carter' but ruining the pretence when a smile broke out across her face.

"Dinner sounds great Sam, and as for how long you stay why don't we just see how it goes?"

Sam made her trip into the local town in Jack's truck, getting the things they needed including food for the next few days. Sam knew Jack hadn't been eating much and hoped that some home cooked food with a dash of blackmail might help to get his metabolism back to normal. She wanted to help him in any way she could.

Sam surprised Jack with lasagne, made to her mother's recipe, and salad for dinner that evening which he complimented sincerely and ate quite a lot of to Sam's delight.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

After dinner they relaxed in the living area watching TV and chatting about what things might be like at the SGC with Sam in a civilian post until it was quite late and they both began yawning. It was then Sam realised they would have to sort out sleeping arrangements; the cabin only had one bedroom. Sam was interrupted from her thoughts when Jack addressed the self same subject directly "When you're ready, you can take my bed and I'll take the couch"

"No!" Sam exclaimed startled, then continued more calmly "No, I can't take your bed. I'll have the couch"

"Really Sam, I want you to take my room"

"No, this is your place plus I'm shorter and my back's in better condition, it makes sense."

"Sam, I don't want to argue I'm not gonna let you sleep on the couch"

"Fine" Sam said exasperated "then we'll have to share, because I'm not gonna let you sleep on the couch either!" Only once it was too late did Sam realise the implication of what she had just blurted out, and her eyes went wide and she gaped at Jack as he just replied

"Fine" in an equally determined voice "You can use the bathroom first"

Still in shock at what she had just suggested and that Jack had _agreed_ Sam went quietly into the bathroom. It wasn't as if they hadn't slept in close quarters off world before, and she had just resigned so it wasn't illegal or anything she rationalised, it was just … she puffed out a breath, she didn't know what was bothering her, apart from the fact this was something she had been dreaming of for 6 years, she was actually going to be in Jack O'Neill's bed with _Jack O'Neill!_

She couldn't hide out in the bathroom all night she decided so headed out and then went into the only bedroom at Jack's gesturing. She headed straight for the bed and got in before she could lose her nerve, and was overwhelmed by the scent of Jack that surrounded her. She was starting to enjoy the comfort of being in Jack's bed wondering what side he preferred to sleep on when he entered the room.

Sam was facing away from the door on her right side when he came in so she could only hear not see him. When she heard the zip of his jeans being undone she froze and stared at the wall, she had half expected Jack to go to the couch instead. But no, she felt the mattress give and he had gotten in beside her. "You still okay with this?" Jack whispered aware of the tension in Sam's body as she lay with her back to him.

Trying to sound confident, this was her idea after all Sam said "Yeah, this isn't the first time we've slept this close together" They had always gravitated towards each other in tents off world and there were certain missions when they had had to sleep very closely to conserve body heat, or because they had been imprisoned in a very small space, that kind of thing but never actually in a bed.

"This is bit nicer than in Antarctica though huh?"

"Definitely, there's no risk of us freezing to death in here" Sam started to relax and turned onto her back towards Jack and smiled at him shyly.

"No" Jack agreed smirking back at her "Now go to sleep Sam" Jack whispered and gave her a light kiss on the forehead.

"Yes sir" Sam replied closing her eyes and relaxing fully into the mattress a small smile still on her face. The comfort of being surrounded by Jack and the soft sound of his breathing lulled Sam to sleep.

It didn't take long for Sam to unconsciously snuggle up to the warmth of Jack's body. She rolled from her back to her left side resting her head against his shoulder and throwing her arm across his chest. She sighed contentedly at her new position and Jack allowed himself an indulgent smile as he put an arm around Sam.

Jack was awake for some time after Sam had fallen asleep just thinking. He felt like his luck was finally changing, from his awful experiences something good had somehow emerged. Sam wanted him and she seemed willing to accept whatever little he could offer her while offering all of her self to him. He knew that he had a lot to deal with before he would be able to give himself fully to Sam, but he knew that was what he wanted to do. He had never been able to give himself fully to Sarah, but he knew he could to Sam, and that thought didn't scare him like he expected it would. Feeling more at peace than he had in a long time, Jack fell asleep his arms tightening around Sam.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Jack slept comparatively well that night. He still had nightmares but he was able to wake himself up from them instead of being controlled by them. Sam seemed to unconsciously react to the tension created in his body when he was having a nightmare and was holding him tighter or massaging his back or arm in her sleep when he needed to wake up. No one had ever been able to help him with the nightmares that had plagued him at various times in his life, the fact that Sam could was testament to the special bond and connection between the two of them.

Sam woke first the next morning enjoying the feel of Jack spooned in behind her for a few minutes before venturing to the bathroom and then the kitchen to make coffee and some toast. Jack joined her a while a later lured out by the smell of fresh coffee and they went out onto the deck to eat both enjoying how natural it felt to start their day together.

They were both surprised but pleased that Jack had had such a relatively quiet night and that things didn't feel awkward this morning. Both unknowingly had the same thought that they could easily get used to this.

They ate quietly for a few minutes before Sam said "Um sir?"

"That would be Jack now" he said, a twinkle in his eye.

Sam smiled shyly then said "I need you to ring General Hammond; he said he wouldn't process my retirement until you had ok'd it."

"Are you absolutely sure this is what you want? To give up your career?" he didn't add "for me?" but she heard it anyway.

"First of all, this isn't for you it's for me, _I_ need this; secondly, I'm not giving up my career, just taking it in a different direction, and thirdly I have thought a lot about this and yes I am absolutely sure!" Sam's tone held no anger but was firm and determined leaving no room for argument and Jack could see the sincerity in her eyes.

Jack held his hands up in surrender "Just checking, I'll give him a call now if you like."

"I would like that, thank you" Sam said and Jack headed off for the phone.

Sam washed up and tidied the kitchen from breakfast while Jack spoke to the General. She had just finished making them some tea and sat down in the middle of the couch when Jack came back "So what did he say?" she asked agitatedly and handed him a mug.

"He is going to inform the president and start the paperwork in the morning." Jack looked at her puzzled before sitting down next to her "It was quite a strange conversation actually"

Jack ran the conversation back in his head and particularly the General's final remarks: "Congratulations Son, you both deserve this, take good care of each other"

"It was a pretty strange conversation when I handed in my resignation"

"He knew you were here without me telling him" Jack told her.

"Well, he told me to come to you; he seemed to know why I was resigning"

"I got that impression too, I guess we didn't hide our feelings as well as we thought."

They both took a deep breath at that revelation.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Their second morning together in Minnesota was spent much as the first, relaxing by the lake with fishing poles. Sam refused to say they were fishing as again nothing was actually caught. When lunchtime came around they enjoyed sandwiches on the deck and rejuvenated from a decent night's sleep they decided to walk one of the less arduous trails through the surrounding area in the afternoon.

They walked side by side shoulders close to touching along the well worn trail enjoying the late spring sunshine. Sam sighed after a few quiet moments and said "This is great."

"It is?" Jack replied hoping for a little more detail as to exactly what she was enjoying about their stroll.

"Yeah; a walk in beautiful surroundings with great company. No marching, no heavy packs, no guns, no one relying on me to save the planet, no imminent danger...." Sam explained.

"You know if Daniel was here he would find you some imminent danger, he would be attacked by a tree branch or fall over a pebble or something" Jack dead panned trying to keep the mood light and keep Sam from getting sad. He had always worried about Sam's apparent inability to relax, but marvelled at how she handled the pressure of the life she had. He knew he himself was guilty of adding to that pressure and taking it for granted that she would always have a solution to any problem, but hoped he also helped to relieve that burden a little too.

Sam smiled at him "I understand why you come now; I can almost forget the real world out here."

"This is where I feel most at peace. I do use it as an escape sometimes and if you ever want to do the same, with or without me, I want you to feel free to."

"Thank you" Sam replied sincerely. Jack wasn't the most expressive man at times and this simple offer, to use his special place, meant a lot to them both. They fell into a comfortable contemplative silence for a while after that until Sam deep in thought tripped on a tree root and went tumbling to the ground. After a moment of shock, Sam began laughing at her self "Oh no" She said from her position sat on the ground "I'm blaming that on Daniel!"

Jack relieved to find Sam was ok after her spill began laughing too. They were laughing so much that Sam couldn't get up again. Eventually they calmed enough for Jack to give Sam a hand back onto her feet and they made their way along the trail once more. They had taken a few steps before Sam realised that their hands were still joined, it felt wonderful and natural so she didn't try to disengage her hand and they walked hand in hand back to the cabin in good spirits. They stopped and detoured many times along the way to look at views and animals or to smell flowers, the walk taking up the entire afternoon.

Tea consisted of hotdogs grilled and eaten outside accompanied by several beers. They chatted about everyday normal things, getting to know each other a little better in the process, agreeing silently to keep the conversation away from SGC related topics.

Jack was elated to see the same spark in Sam's eye when she was talking about her motorcycle and her two small nieces as he usually saw when she was techno-babbling about the latest piece of alien technology she was working on, and amused to hear that Carter's 6 year old niece took very much after her. He would love to meet this mini Carter he told Sam, and Sam had wistfully replied that she would love to see the 8 and 6 year old girls more often her self.

Sam felt privileged when Jack told her of summers spent learning to fish up at this, his grandfather's cabin that he later left to him when he passed away many years ago. It was the first time she had heard anything about Jack's family and was glad he felt able to open up to her about it.

When Jack returned from a generator check before retiring back into the cabin that evening, Sam was staring up at the stars, apparently, deep in thought and looking decidedly unhappy. He lowered him self to sit close beside her "Penny for 'em?" he started.

Sam was startled and jumped a mile at Jack's question, staring at him with wild eyes and breathing hard.

"Whoa Carter, it's only me, what has you so jumpy?" Jack was concerned Sam was very difficult to startle as a general rule.

After a deep breath Sam apologised "Sorry Sir"

"Sam?" Jack questioned further, concern radiating from him.

"I was having a flash back of one of Jolinar's memories" Sam looked at the ground and replied quietly.

"Are you ok? You want to talk about it?"

"No thanks, I'm ok"

Offering his hand again Jack pulled Sam to her feet and they went back inside the cabin quietly, Sam obviously feeling the effects of the beer. Jack made hot drinks and lit the fire, while Sam put her pyjamas on and then they sat in the fire light, the mood a little subdued. Eventually Jack said with more venom than he meant to "I hate the Tok'ra" Sam didn't say anything wanting Jack to open up if he was ready.

"How dare they claim to be different to the goa'uld when they used both of us against our will and left us to deal with the consequences?" Continued Jack angrily.

"Maybe it's not all Tok'ra, I mean Selmak has always helped us when she could" Sam tried to reason.

"I've tried to believe that, when it was just Jolinar, for you and Dad, but after Kanan took me and used me and left me. I can't forgive him, I hate him."

"What he did was unforgivable, Jack, no one expects you to." Sam replied placing a hand on Jack's forearm in a comforting gesture.

"And yet you've forgiven Jolinar. How can you be so strong?" Jack asked her much more quietly.

Sam was surprised by this turn of the conversation. They were the only two people alive to have been blended with a Tok'ra symbiote and not still carry it. "Is that what you think, that I've forgiven her?"

Jack shrugged and Sam continued "I can't forgive her either Jack. How could I? She violated me, made me watch as she hurt my family, left me with hundreds of years of memories and feelings that haunt me, altered my body chemistry so much I barely feel human sometimes." Sam took a shaky breath then trying to calm her emotions while Jack looked at her unable to find anything adequate to say but pulling her to him on the couch and enfolding her trembling form in his arms. Sam wasn't normally openly emotional but the effects of the alcohol and the atmosphere were making her more so.

Then Sam continued "I won't ever forgive her, but what can I do? She is a part of me now and I just have to live with that one day at a time, I refuse to give up who I am. It helps that she chose to let me live and that Selmak was able to save Dad and that I have people around me who care for me and were there when it happened to help me through the first most difficult times, but sometimes its really hard."

She pulled back a little then to look into Jack's eyes "That's how you'll do it too Jack, one day at a time knowing your family will be there to support you when you need that extra strength to keep going."

"My family?"

"Yeah, me, Daniel, Teal'c, Janet and Cassie. You guys are the closest family I've ever had" Sam looked at him with a very cute, confused look on her face as if she couldn't work out why on Earth he would need to ask the question. Jack just smiled and hugged her close again pleased that they were both talking about the same 'family'.

Chuckling when he felt Sam yawning after a while, Jack said "I think it's time we headed to bed". Sam's reply was muffled by his chest but he took it to be in the affirmative and helped her to her feet. He led a tipsy, sleepy Sam to the bedroom and tucked her into his bed before heading to the bathroom to get ready him self and joining her a few minutes later. She was already fast asleep, curled up facing his side of the bed when he returned, and it didn't take him long to join her in slumber once he lay down next to her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Jack and Sam spent 4 more days together at the cabin before deciding to head back to Colorado. Their relationship had continued to deepen in this time but had not progressed past comfort and affection. Sam knew Jack was dealing with a lot and avoided putting any pressure on him with regard to a romantic relationship. She had made it clear that she was willing to wait as long as it took and just being close to him was enough for her.

Jack could never have expressed in words his gratitude to Sam for the love and support she had unconditionally shown him. It helped him a long way towards coming to terms with his torture and the role the tok'ra had played in it. She had helped him far more than any shrink he would be forced to see when he returned in ordered to be reinstated on active duty.

Their time together had only served to make him love her all the more and assuage his insecurities that he wasn't good enough for her. No one ever would be in his eyes, and Jacob's of course, but he had never seen her as happy as he had in moments this last week and was determined to ensure that happiness continued.

In typical O'Neill style however he still would not have made any further moves from the new more intimate yet comfortable relationship he and Sam had forged at the cabin for fear of ruining it had it not been for Daniel. Daniel had been calling regularly to check on his team mates and was not backwards about asking questions and offering advice. When Jack informed him they would be heading back to Colorado the next day Daniel was pleased that he would be seeing his friends soon.

"So does this mean you two are officially together now?" Daniel asked, knowing from Sam that they had not actually discussed a romantic relationship and wanting to give his friend a push.

"Uh…no…not really" Stuttered Jack in reply.

"Why not?" Daniel was well aware that there was no point being anything other than completely direct with Jack.

"I just…it's just…it's none of your business" Jack was still clinging to the insecurity that Sam could do better and that he didn't deserve her.

Daniel being his best friend and very perceptive regarding emotions suspected this and continued for him "You don't think you are good enough for Sam"

The silence from the other end of the phone told Daniel he was right and he continued. "She deserves to be truly loved. Just think about this, could anyone love Sam more than you do? I doubt it and she deserves to experience that love, don't be selfish."

It was this conversation that gave Jack the courage to do something special for Sam on their last night in Minnesota to show her how special she was to him and to indicate that he wanted to move their relationship forward to the next level.

Jack booked a table at the best restaurant in the nearest town and took Sam for their first date. Sam was unaware they were on their first date to begin with, although dressing up for the restaurant gave her a good clue. It wasn't until Jack asked her to dance after their meal and held her close, more closely than a best friend would, as they slowly danced that she began to hope. Then when he leaned in and kissed her, at first gently and then more passionately, Sam knew for sure that they had finally begun their romantic relationship. One that would fulfil them for the rest of their lives.

As they set off back to Colorado and SGC the following morning they did so with confidence that whatever they faced back at the SGC they would face together and overcome.


End file.
